Or the patience of a mum

I realise today, I don't even have the patience I need for my own children. Specifically, I don't have the patience to deal with 'bad' behaviour. And it happens every day at the moment, say 20 times a day.

The two specific things are rough behaviour and basically just not doing what I ask.

My 4 1/2 year old is very rough with her brother. They play well together and have lots of fun, but it always ends in tears, generally because Holly has been too rough. She hugs him tightly round the neck, she pulls his clothes, she kicks and hits and pokes. She hugs him until it hurts and jumps on top of him. He bit her today, twice, and although he got told off, who can blame him, really?

We wrote some house rules with Holly's help a while ago. They include 'No hitting', 'No kicking', 'No biting', 'No pushing'. She knows them, and will happily remind Mikey of them when required. She is punished if she breaks a rule, through time out, or removal of TV rights or stories, which are two things that get a reaction.

But there doesn't seem to be any learning involved.

Then there's the doing what she's asked to. I ask them to come and sit up for dinner, Holly says no, therefore Michael says no. It's not like they didn't know it was nearly dinner time, or that they don't have to do it every day, but she seems to take a delight in basically just not doing what she's asked to. Maybe it's testing me. Let's see which of mummy's buttons I can press today. Which reaction will I get?

I plump for the, 'well I'm sitting down for dinner, if you want to join us, do', option. Followed by the 'if you don't come to dinner, there will be nothing else to eat for the rest of the day, and that includes treats' option. Michael, I can still persuade to the table. He is copying, not originating the behaviour, so his motives aren't as strong. Not that I really know what the motive is...

We went to the pool shop today, which has a nice toy area the children can play in while I get the water checked and buy the bits and pieces I need. The kids like a trip to the 'Pool Doctor', so we stayed a while, but at some point it was time to leave, and that's where the problems started. Tell me what I'm doing wrong? I gave them a five minute warning, and I know that they don't understand what 5 minutes means, but I then gave them a 4 minute warning, then 3 minute, then 2 minute, then 1 minute, then I told them it was time to go. And Holly said no, so I told her that if she wasn't going to come nicely with me, I would pick her up and carry her out. She didn't come, so I picked her up and carried her under my arm. She kicked and screamed and with one free arm clawed at my face and scratched me. I put her in the car and said no television for the rest of the day.

I'm seriously not sure how else I could have dealt with the situation. And the worst thing is, I feel angry and upset with my child almost every day, and unhappy that this happens.

So what am I going to do? I've decided I need a break occasionally. Specifically from the dinner and bedtime routine. Now all I need to do is find a great babysitter, or persuade dad it's his turn, and I can get an evening off. The sad thing is I've got no idea what I'd do! Time to find a girl friend who needs a similar escape plan....