Mum's been got...again

Do your kids behave beautifully for other people, and become a nightmare with you? Do they get glowing reports from pre-school and school, only to turn into horrors when they come home, making you wonder if the school have got the right child?

This, apparently, is normal. From an early age, your baby will learn to push your buttons, and they will continue to push them for as long as they can.

You are programmed to respond to your baby. Remember those first cries, and how heart wrenching they were? The pin prick in the heel when they are a few days old, which made them wail pitifully, and made you breakdown completely; the first immunisations, where dad had to come along to comfort you, not the baby; their first bump or bang, which you actually felt for them. I can picture being in the supermarket when Holly was little and not being able to stand listening to her wailing one minute more, so I fed her, there and then, in front of the yoghurt section, with cameras looking on. It was either that or abandon the shopping, and you know how hard it is to get shopping done...

As they develop, they learn new tactics and at some point they realise they actually have some control over this. They can scream blue murder, and mum will come rushing, they can pester and pester and they learn which behaviour mum gives in to.

And then the language comes and it adds a whole new dimension to the challenge. They can whinge and whine and complain, and beg and plead and drive you completely insane.

So why do they whinge and whine when they get home? Because they can. Because only here do they feel they can get away with it. No teacher is going to put up with that behaviour. No teacher is programmed to their pain and sadness like mum is.

Hey, let's give them their due as well. They have been on their best behaviour for 6 hours, and now they need to let it out. 6 hours build up of worries and stresses and they turn into little whiners.

So what do we do? Firstly, we have to acknowledge what is happening. They are playing you mum, they have got you sussed and you are being taken for a ride. Not your beautiful child? No? Well, maybe only mine then, but she's definitely got me sussed.

I have to be strong and be firm and be consistent. I must switch off to all whinges, I must only respond to polite requests, I must be objective in my analysis of the breakdowns. Is this for real, is she tired, is she hungry, is she after attention, if I respond, am I setting myself up for a fall?

Today, Monday, we are back to pre-school, and Holly does not want to go. I don't think there's a real reason why. She was perfectly happy last week. She wants some sympathy from mum, she wants a cuddle, she wants mum to stay. Mum got frustrated with her not going to bed nicely last night, so she wants some extra attention.

So when I go to leave, she is literally clinging to me, and I have to request some help from the teacher to free myself. And do I feel good about this? No. I feel cruel, I wonder if she has enough friends here, if the teachers treat her nicely, if I've chosen the right pre-school. But when I take a closer look at Holly, she's enjoying herself. I've been got again.