The demise of a Mothers' Group

My Mothers' Group is breaking up. We are no longer one, but many. It has splintered and split, and some are taking it badly.

This breakdown started over a year ago and our babies, who brought us together in the first place, are now 4 1/2.

The latest example is an invitation for New Year's Eve, that went to some, but not all mothers, with a footnote saying how the invitees were those people most important to the host. How do we, the non invited, know? Well, some of the girls aren't quite as loyal to the breakaway group as they might like to think.

And at least one of the non invited is hurt, quite rightly so, as New Year's Eve invitations have been to all, in the past, and she doesn't understand why one person should choose to split a group.

I'm lucky; I can take a step back from this. We moved away 2 years ago, so my catch ups with the group have been limited and, although I'm pretty sure I would not have been included in the special sub group for New Year's Eve, I can tell myself it's my decision. I've moved on.

So is this inenvitable? For the lucky few, Mothers' Group survives the distance. The kids are pictured together in the local paper at the age of 18, next to a photo of them as babies at their first get together. For most of us, let's get real!

Mothers' Groups are a fantastic idea, a great way of meeting other mothers with babies the same age. They provide support and a social outlet for mothers who might otherwise feel a bit isolated. An informal way of getting and giving advice, swapping stories and hopefully making friends. But let's face it, we, the mothers, did not choose each other. We were put together by the midwives from the clinic and it was up to us what happened after the first few weeks. Bravo to us I think, that we have survived this long.

Personally, I have never had any conflict with another mum in our group, but I've never quite felt I've fitted in. Our priorities in life are different. The restaurants they choose to have mothers group dinners at are too expensive, their kids have been on the waiting list for private school since birth, holidays and facials, the latest purchases and fashions are a major part of conversation, and they spend too much on our kids' birthdays. It just isn't me. I can't justify spending over $100 on dinner with mothers' group when I don't even do that with the other half. And spending money on nice clothes is not a priority when you spend half your time on your hands and knees and have a permanent shoulder decoration made up of baby vomit, dribble and whatever we had for lunch.

Anyway, I digress. The point is, you can't expect a Mothers' group to last for ever. People are bound to form friendships within the group. Some take their kids to the same activities and see more of each other. Some of the children end up at the same pre-school, some live round the corner from each other and meet at the park. The kids start kindy, the mums start going back to work and schedules just don't work anymore.

And in reality it's not just the mums. Frankly my kids are less interested in catching up with the mothers group than I am. They don't want to play with kids they haven't seen for 6 months. They'd rather play with each other or the kids next door.

So, it is time to let go. Friendships change over time, especially in these early years. The kids determine who you meet, through pre-school, play groups, swimming lessons, kindy gym, dance or what ever you have in their busy little schedule. If you're lucky you'll find someone you click with and another frienship will begin.