Managing children's behaviour - where to find help

If your toddler or pre-schooler is displaying difficult behaviour, don't dispair, there is help out there. One thing you should understand is that they all do it. It is not just your child who has tantrums, whinges, beats up her brother, ignores your requests, forgets how to share and displays the same disruptive behaviour day afer day despite your efforts to change it.

I guess I didn't realise this to start with. I hadn't experienced the terrible twos, or understood that they morph into the trying threes and the testing, troublesome fours. It's a learning experience and until you have children, even if you work with them, you don't realise what's involved. The children save their worst behaviour for you, not for day care or the babysitter, and it's a constant challenge to deal with it and maintain your cool.

One of the easiests avenues for help is the local library or bookstore. I have two authors I recommend: Christopher Green, who wrote 'Toddler Taming', and Steve Biddulph, who has a series of books including 'The Secret of Happy Children', 'Raising a Happy Child' and 'Raising Boys'.

There are an awful lot of parenting books out there, but these are well written, with a sense of humour and real life examples you can relate to. They contain a lot of good advice, without preaching. They remain light hearted, and make it is easy to pick and choose the things that might help you in your relationship with your children.

Toddler Taming specifically addresses the issues of the toddler years, including sleep problems, toilet training, positive discipline, dealing with tantrums and sibling rivalry. Dr Green also looks at child care options and early learning for your child. The basic message is that in order to be an effective parent, you need to know what to expect and have the self confidence to get through each stage. He brings a sense of humour and common sense to day to day issues and hopes to bring the fun back into childcare.

For UK readers, have a look on Amazon.co.uk



For US readers, find Toddler Taming on Amazon.com



Steve Biddulph has written a series of books on how to raise happy children. I am currently reading 'More Secrets of Happy Children' and keep finding bits I can relate to. One of the big things is balancing 'Soft Love' - the ability to be relaxed, warm and affectionate, with 'Firm Love' - the ability to be kind but firm with children. He has a technique he calls 'stand and think' which is an alternative to 'time out' or a 'naughty spot', which enables the child (and parent) to resolve an issue without hurt, shame or fear. I'm going to try this with my 4 1/2 year old, so I'll let you know how we go!

Biddulph also says that raising little children is easier if you have a goal to aim for. Your aim is to produce, by the age of 5 or so, a civilised child who can go to school, stay at a friend's place, mix with other children and talk to adults in a comfortable way. They will still have lots to learn, but they will have moved to a level of understanding beyond the here and now and all about me world of a toddler.

Peronally, I have about 11 months before the first year of school, and I've got a hell of a lot to do! Luckily some of this comes naturally. Your child wants to be kind, friendly and co-operative, but needs help to learn how.

Persistence and good humour are what are needed from the parents. I have to say I struggle with this sometimes. What we also need is sleep and time out for ourselves in order to find that persistence and good humour.

Biddulph's books are all about communication - what we say and how we communicate, through words and actions, with our children, affects the little people they grow into.

To get a copy of Biddulph's books in the UK, look at Amazon.co.uk


For copies from the US, look on Amazon.com