Talking about boobs

I went to a lingerie party on Saturday evening.

I wasn't sure whether to go, because I'd had a 40th dinner earlier in the week, and a social committee meeting for the pre-school, so I'd already called on the other half to do the bedtime stories and tucking in twice this week. But, when I mentioned lingerie, he was practically pushing me out of the door.

I wasn't going to buy anything (of course) but again, the other half seemed keen, so who am I to say no? I think he had more of an Ann Summers type of party in mind, rather than the latest, most comfortable bras you can find, but even the thought of it was enough for him.

He definitely felt he was on a promise that night and I went out, sure he'd be waiting up for me what ever time I got home. No headaches for me tonight...

The two ladies from the lingerie company both had curvy figures and rather more bust than I've ever had, so my immediate thought was that they'd not do anything for my meagre size, but, as luck would have it, there was a beautiful bra, padded with oil, for those of us who would like to enhance our boobs by a size, or in my case, actually pretend I have some for a while. I made my purchase, along with a little lace camisole to show off the newly enhanced chest, and got down to the real business of chatting and drinking.

I have to say, in a previous life, I always worried slightly about padded bras. What if you found the perfect man and he thought you had a gorgeous figure? Would he be disappointed when the bra came off and he found the boobs were only half the size he expected? Not something I need to worry about now (I hope). The other half knows exactly what's what, so if enhancing my figure is going to make me feel good, he won't be complaining.

The main topic of conversation for the evening, was, of course, boobs. Big ones, droopy ones, ones that you just can't control, the odd small pair like mine and even grandma's pair that managed to escape at an inappropriate moment one day.

Breastfeeding also came up, as there were a couple of pregnant ladies there and two with babies still on the boob. They were definitely not purchasing bras that night, as pregnancy and breastfeeding tend to reek havoc with your breast size, and let's face it, during this stage the objective is comfort, not attraction, and there are cheaper bra options to be found.

One lady reckoned that the day after she stopped breast feeding, her boobs disappeared. One day she was a 'D' cup and the next she looked in the mirror and there were these deflated banana boobs. She had to go out and buy a whole new set of bras for her now 'B' cup boobs. So just when baby has finished with the boobs and you're ready to share them with hubby again without spurting milk at him, bang they're gone and you feel about as sexy as an over ripe tomato. And at this stage you probably still have some of that baby tummy left over so the whole body feels out of proportion.

But wait, there was light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently over time, the boobs came back and this lady is now a 'D' cup again. Having never even reached a 'B' cup myself, I find this hard to imagine. I was hoping to be one of those rare people who find having a baby enhances their breast size in the long term, but alas, it was not to be. I briefly experienced the sensation of boobs bouncing as mine grew in pregnancy and during breastfeeding, and I have to say that I had more propositions when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Holly than I've ever had. Something about 'glowing' but not showing, and maybe the slightly enhanced boob, must have made me more attractive...

On Saturday night we basically confirmed that no one is ever happy with what they've got. I'd love a slightly bigger pair, if only so that my rib cage doesn't stick out more than my chest when I lie down. My friend would like ones that don't disappear into her arm pits unless contained in a rather un-sexy granny bra. She reckons if she goes for the more appealing bras, when she leans over to pick up the kids, they flop out of the top.

Another lady reckoned that running had decreased her boob size. Whether that was in conjunction with general weight loss, I'm not sure, but it put a few of us off running, just in case...

Then we got onto nipples, and the changes motherhood brings to them. Getting bigger, more prominent, changing colour.

Boob jobs were raised as an option, but most of us were not up for that. We might complain, but we were basically happy to find bras that squeezed and padded, or firmed and rounded, lifted droopers and contained those prone to escape. And they had these amazing wraps that done up in the right way could enhance the meagre bust, or decrease the appearance of those well endowed. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I suspect they made quite a lot of money that night.

So there were the boys, at home, dreaming of us wearing sexy lingerie and we're talking about droopy boobs, boobs that leak still 2 years after the baby was born and nipples that bear no resemblance to our pre-baby boobs.

In fact, my other half was picturing us all parading around in sexy lingerie, whereas in reality the trying on process was one by one and very discreet.

Not that it matters, because when it comes down to it, it's all in the mind and if he manages to find me attractive despite the changes over time, who am I to complain?