At the library

"Are those your children", the librarian asked, as I queued to get our books signed out. I turned briefly, in the hope there was someone else behind me with worse behaved children than mine. No one. I contemplated complete denial, but short of abandoning them, and the books, this wasn't going to fly. "Yes, they're mine"

"Well you know there's no running in the library"

Actually, no, there's no specific signs and you have wide carpeted slopes which are completely irresistible to young children, and we have been in here lots of times, and not been told off before. But yes, of course, it's a library, not a playground.

"Sorry", I said

"Could you please ask them to stop"

I envisaged myself chasing children down a slope, trying to look like I was in control, eventually grabbing one or other so they had to stop, explaining the situation, being ignored, causing a tantrum, or possibly two tantrums, and I took the easy option. May as well admit defeat up front, as everyone was watching now.

"I'm sorry", I said, "but it would be easier if you just signed my books out and we'll leave immediately, otherwise I'm likely to have tantrums and screaming children, and I think that's worse, don't you?". I smiled sweetly (desperately).

Luckily at this point another librarian spontaneously told the children not to run, and the unknown potential power of a stranger turned them into obedient creatures for a moment.

"That'll be $5.60 please" the first librarian said. (They only charge 20 cents per day in late fees)

"Sorry", I said, again "we don't get here very often, for obvious reasons..."

As we left, Michael requested a carry. I gave him two options; the pushchair or walking options, and he chose the laying down on the floor option instead. I walked up the slope with Holly and just out of his view, in the hope that the potential loss of mummy would return the power to his legs, but no, he knows I'll never really leave him. It took more quiet direction from the librarian and he walked obediently up the slope. Oh, to have such control over my children....

We have had an on again, off again relationship with the library over the last few years. They do a great half hour of stories, music and craft for the children three days a week during school term, and I have taken one or other children over time. I tried taking both, but together they cannot resist the lure of the slopes and steps, and together they cannot remember to keep quiet. I was brought up in a time and place where libraries really were quiet places and I'm well aware that some people are there to study or read in peace, so my instinct is to keep the children quiet and still. To a large extent, I fail, and I therefore find our library sessions rather stressful.

Having said that, on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning between 10am and 11am, the library is full of children and it is definitely not quiet. I guess I have assumed the rules are not as strict as they used to be, and I sense a tension between the old school librarians and those who do the kids' sessions which bring chaos to a place of natural order.

Personally, I think that the more exposure children have to books and reading, the more likely they are to develop a love of reading themselves. Letting them explore a library and read some books with mummy until we decide which ones to take home, is great. They just can't be expected to control their natural exuberance for very long.

I came to the conclusion today, that we should have separate children's libraries, with the usual supply of books and videos or DVDs, plus space for reading sessions, and a play area where those who cannot be contained, can be free to climb and run and shout, while mum gets the books. The basic rules can still be there - no running or shouting in the book area, but everyone involved would have enough contact with kids to know that it's hard for them, and us, so the rules are there to teach us how to progress to the big library, and not to make us feel bad.

In the meantime, I have decided that if I return to the library with the kids, it needs to be between 10 and 11 on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, when hopefully my children can blend in with the 20 or so other children who are oblivious to library rules and regulations, and just there to have fun.

Too much television

'I looked in the mirror and they're still round', Holly said earlier. It took me a while to figure out what she was talking about. She wanted to know if she could watch more television. I felt a bit guilty about the 'square eyed' comment I made a few weeks ago, which obviously stuck, and concerns her slightly. But, given the option, my 4 1/2 year old would be a couch potato in the making, so anything that puts her off has got to be good.

Today is an exception. She is home from pre-school with a temperature and is not really up for anything else. We've done stories and she's half asleep, so I can convince myself it's ok.

Television is a continuing battle in our house. She wants it. I restrict it. I even get to the point of avoiding going straight home from pre-school so she can't ask for it.

We have rules. Honestly. On a pre-school day, they must be dressed and have breakfast before television. There is no television after dinner, and the amount is restricted.

But there are times when I need the built in babysitter in order to cook the dinner, do the dishes, put the washing out, pay the bills, mop up wee, have a largely uninterrupted phone call or just get a cup of tea. How do I fix the rules and still get the flexibility I want??

I've chosen a level of flexibility, and I pay the price. My sister's kids watch 3 things in the morning (and on cbeebies in the UK these are quite short) and that's the rule. No questions. My rules are slightly more flexible, and therefore I get the questions. And the tantrums.

I have an ongoing feeling of guilt about the TV. There are definitely days when she watches too much and it is often because mum has things to do and has taken the easy option. To switch it off means I am requested as the alternative source of entertainment, and some days, I'm just not up to it.

I'm happy to say that the younger one is more discriminating in what he watches and is easily distracted. He is also more easily scared by seemingly harmless images on the TV, so I tend to encourage him into other activities.

As for the content, I think I can safely say that almost everything that Holly watches has an educational content at this stage. She is quite specific about what she will and won't watch so we are limited to a handful of shows and a fair amount of repetition. I have tried to introduce the odd movie such as 'Finding Nemo', 'Cars' and 'Aristocats', and although we have watched them, Holly doesn't find them as appealing as the shows she watches, and also finds parts of them need mummy's company. Not scary exactly, just a bit worrying. I think this is a good thing at this stage. My adult mind would far prefer to watch 'Cars' than 'Handy Manny' or 'Finley the Fire Engine', but if I think about it, it's because the films are aimed at a wider audience, are more complex, fast moving, complicated and subtle in their sense of humour. The kids programs Holly watches are geared to her age and stage.

We had a power cut a few weeks ago, for most of the afternoon and evening, and Holly took some convincing that the television didn't work. In fact she went round the whole house switching things on and off to ensure mummy was right and nothing was working. I could just picture the power coming back on at midnight, along with half our lights, the radio, the dishwasher and of course the television.

After the initial distress, we managed to create an interesting diversion by hunting for candles and torches in case they were required later and the kids soon got distracted into a game of mums and dads (with torches of course). The immediate pain of no TV was severe, but it was not long lasting. Perhaps we should have a few more power cuts of an afternoon....